Not Quite Right
by stranger12
Summary: Just when Alicia thought Colin Sweeney couldn't get any worse
**The Good Wife – Not Quite Right**

Just when Alicia thought Colin Sweeney couldn't get any worse

* * *

"No. No, no, no, no" – Alicia groaned and put her head in her hands as she kept mumbling the same word over and over and over and over again.

(it bears repeating, yes)

"Alicia, did you see–?" – Cary asked, sounding flabbergasted.

"Please tell me this is a mass hallucination and that I didn't see the same thing you probably saw" – she begged him, still hiding her face.

"If what you saw was a news report on Colin Sweeney having bought the rights to a flying suit, and taking it out for a spin in order to, and I quote, 'take out them bad guys such as the ones I met while I was in prison', then, nope, sorry, it's not a hallucination and that actually happened"

"Alicia" – Diane greeted – "Are you alright?"

"Why is this man still our client, can someone please explain it to me?" – she looked up, her eyes wide and still a little shell shocked – "This is the kind of bullshit he pulls! And now it's a flying suit!"

"Equipped with enough fire power to take out a good portion of Chicago" – Kalinda piped up from just behind Cary.

"This can't be happening to me, why is this happening?" – Alicia moaned, throwing her head back.

"Give a man an opportunity to be silly and enough money for him to have any sense..." – Diane said flippantly.

"Then add a pinch of flair and we have Colin freaking Sweeney!"

"Is he going to get sued or prosecuted for it?" – Cary wondered out loud – "I don't think the Superheroes Act accounted for bored, homicidal, maybe suicidal, flamboyant and insane billionaires"

"Let's just hope he doesn't try to level a city block if he presses the wrong button" – Diane sighed.

"God, this is the most ridiculous thing that's ever happened, and this is Colin Sweeney we're talking about, the very man who tried to proposition all the superheroes the last time he decided to have a lost weekend in New York" – Alicia stated, trying to get herself together.

"All we can do at this time is prepare ourselves" – Diane said – "Get the Superheroes Act, study it thoroughly for when Mr. Sweeney uses his suit for less than heroic purposes"

"Or kills a bunch of people he doesn't care for" – Kalinda added.

"Or that" – the Partner conceded simply – "Better get to work. I'll round up Will, he must've returned from the meeting with Chicago's Heroes Association"

"How is this our life?" – Alicia asked Cary, who shrugged. Kalinda entered the office and put a file in front of the woman – "If this is more of Mr. Sweeney's antics, I swear I'll scream"

"Can't make any promises" – the investigator said with a teasing grin. She walked away and Cary cringed at his colleague and friend.

"Want me to grab Robin for help?"

"Her speed should help us, anyway. Thanks"

"No problem. Sweeney is all of our clients, and I think it's in everyone's best interest that he does NOT press the wrong buttons on his suit"

"God. I can't believe someone was dumb enough to sell that man a fully loaded flying suit"

"Money talks"

"It's Colin Sweeney"

"... There's no accounting for taste?"

"Out"

* * *

Some ten hours and a few very obnoxious public examples of why most people despised the rich, and in particular Colin Sweeney later, Cary was commiserating with Alicia and Kalinda over drinks. Diane sat in a heap beside him, and Will followed soon after.

"You aren't taking up my whole space" – the bartender said with raised eyebrows.

"What?" – Will asked, squinting.

"Give the single losers some place to flirt and mingle. Up you go, there's a table right over there, with the robot dude" – as one, all the lawyers, and investigator, snapped their heads to where he was pointing, and sure enough, their worst, most annoying client ever was sitting at a table in full armor, grinning and holding up a drink.

Fuck damnit.

"I'd rather slit my wrists" – Alicia hissed.

"Or his, I'm not that suicidal yet" – Cary interjected.

"He is still our client" – Will said, glancing at the annoyed barkeep – "Our drinks to the table, I guess"

"No, Will, don't make us" – Alicia nearly whimpered.

"Sorry, no can do" – the man got up, put himself together best as he could, and gave them all a pointed look – "We are moving over there, ALL of us. Well, you can go, Kalinda, you're off the clock and have no obligation to Mr. Sweeney–"

"All the luck" – the investigator said mockingly, not moving an inch from her stool and ordering another drink.

"You'll get yours" – Cary promised as the foursome reluctantly went to the patiently waiting Colin.

"Hello, hello! My, I am ever so glad to see you! As much as any man can be, considering you are my lawyers, of course. Now, you are all drinking, right? I've ordered a bottle of champagne to celebrate"

"Celebrate...?" – Diane asked slowly after the stunned silence that followed.

"Oh yes! I mean, after the day I had, I think it's in order, don't you, Ms. Lockhart?"

"Mr. Sweeney–" – Alicia tried, then stop and cleared her throat – "Mr. Sweeney. You know that what you did today–"

"Was magnificent!"

"–was reckless and just barely legal" – she continued, grinding her teeth.

"It was not" – their client waved it off and beamed at the waitress who brought over the champagne and glasses – "I checked it with one of my other lawyers"

"God help me" – Diane mumbled and Will made a face while accepting the champagne, as did everyone else.

"Now, raise your glasses–! And please, do congratulate me for this wondrous day"

"You chased down four criminals into a crowded mall!" – Alicia hissed, finally exploding – "And then, you flew all the way to New York to get a hot dog, landed on a handful of taxis, just because, then went over to the Jersey beach, and chased several women around, propositioning them for sex!"

"But it was all legal! They were not prostitutes, and I offered no money" – the man said smoothly – "I have already set aside some money to pay for the repair of the taxis, I bought out the hot dog stand and fed the homeless, and those criminals had to be stopped! They were harassing innocent little girls!"

"THEY WERE TWELVE YEARS OLD BUYING GIRL SCOUT COOKIES FROM THEIR SISTERS!" – she exclaimed, but the bar was noisy enough that only those closest turned to look. Up on the bar, Kalinda raised her glass at Cary, who scowled back.

"Criminals! Just because they were siblings, doesn't mean what they were doing was any less criminal!"

"Okay!" – Will interjected before Alicia decided to take the billionaire down – "Okay, alright. We've all had a very long day, we're al tired right now, right? But let's not allow ourselves to get too riled up, okay?" – he sent Alicia and Colin a hard look.

"Can we all just drink some champagne and relax for now?" – Diane added when Alicia made to open her mouth.

"Lovely idea! I have a tab open, so you can all–" – Alicia slammed on the table and quickly drew the attention of a waiter walking by.

"We need the most expensive bottles of scotch, wine and tequila you got, for about fifteen minutes ago. Kalinda! Come have a drink on Mr. Sweeney's!"

The next morning, a merciful Saturday, Alicia awoke with the mother of all headaches, sandwiched between Cary and Diane. They were all dressed, thank God.

"Hello, Alicia!" – Colin Sweeney greeted her, wearing a robe and a smirk.

"Mr. Sweeney" – she managed to say, but not get up from the extremely comfortable bed – "What happened last night?"

"Oh, this and that, nothing you should worry yourself over, really. I can send you the photos I took"

"... Yes, I would appreciate it"

"And just so you know, Mrs. Florrick?"

"Yes?"

"That tattoo really does match you" – he waved goodbye just as horror dawned on her.

Oh shit. WHAT TATTOO?!

* * *

Some Good Crack Wife LOL

Colin Sweeney is still one of my fave characters on the show, and ever, and I miss him ever so much (did he appear at all this season? Can't even remember, but it's definitely been too long ). Also, who the hell else would be insane enough to buy a knock off Iron Man-esque suit?


End file.
